Ketchup + Voyeurism + Washed Up Writing Styles
I like to see what others are doing, and I don’t like to let them know that.
Mostly, I like to tell others what I am doing. All the time.
Every now and then you see on social media that someone is leaving or taking a break from social media, and then it’s like a cool one month period of not even noticing the difference because things are tailored for you to not notice the difference. I said on social media that I was going to take a break from social media (on Friday), my main character syndrome narrative already cued up, like
And so, she did it. With a click of a button, the black mirror grew lifeless, and she ventured off into the weekend, her friends aching for her normal quarter hour updates. But they would not come, and all who followed her toe tapped in anticipation for the commencement of the next cycle of clothing, music, and political infographics.
Media voyeurism is built for minutes-long memoriam. It is a void into which selective things are cast. My rampant month long overuse of ketchup, is decidedly not, for instance. I think I get it from my mother, the literal 15:1 ratio of ketchup to complementary food item. I shamelessly waste it, and wash red ketchup-y water down the kitchen sink nearly every day. It’s the expensive stuff too, the ‘made with real sugar’ shit that my dad likes. He marvels at the rampant nightshade usage olympics between me and my mother, and despite my best efforts, I never can beat her. I talk a big ketchup game with no backup. I do not share my ketchup crisis nor my lukewarm takes about social media usage with anyone. Instead:
I’ve been reading The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, ♦ and watching recent Arglefumph livestreams of the Nancy Drew game series I played as a kid, ♦ and conducting a regular fitness routine, ♦ and baking too much, ♦ and playing more music than I listen to, ♦ and eyeing The Picture of Dorian Gray because I’ve never read it, ♦ and working, ♦ and spacing out Good Mythical Morning so I never run out of episodes, ♦ and wearing four outfits per day, ♦ and saying I’ll clean my closet, ♦ and ordering an expensive Elton John mirror made in 1977, ♦ and mixing sriracha into my ketchup, ♦ and taking a three day break from social media and feeling special about it, ♦ and drinking a ‘healthy’ amount of wine, ♦ and playing 90 minutes of Undertale, ♦ and physically writing out one solitary journal entry, ♦ and inventing my own vegan pate recipe, ♦ and bulk ordering anti-dandruff shampoo, ♦and dreaming but not remembering, ♦ and checking to see who liked which posts, ♦ and laughing at the sheer amount of middle school bullies that have requested me on Facebook over the course of quarantine, ♦ and learning Ghibli music, ♦ and ignoring the Duolingo owl, ♦ and visiting the Sleepy Hollow Cemetery, ♦ and getting a COVID haircut, ♦ and finding out that my dad flew a plane, a single plane, like one of those small two-seaters with the propellers, when he was my age, ♦ and re-watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy, ♦ and not watching any video anyone has ever posted on the Instagram timeline, ♦ and choking through a gallon-sized tub of the disgusting ass sad ass excuse for vegan butter that is Smart Balance (not to be confused with Earth Balance), ♦ and thinking, really thinking, if literally any of this is worth it, ♦ and realizing I’m too vain to die before I show off my solo musicality in a major arena, ♦ and purchasing a fucking cow patterned belt because moo moo I gave in to a trend, ♦ and wearing the same pair of teal corduroy bells I have through every season, ♦ and putting on gloves for the first time this year, ♦ and receiving a card from my paternal grandmother and considering opening the pandora’s box of non-parental familial connection for the first time in my life, ♦ and sending voice messages to Lin with the sink on, thus making it sound like I’m taking a 5 minute long pee and recording it, ♦ and hearing my mother say “doobie” unironically, ♦ and wasting so many bottles of ketchup, which you know about now, ♦ and chatting with the Northern English Virgin Atlantic agent about slow internet speed at home, ♦ and crying for a whole 10 minutes over a birthday card I received this year because I didn’t think I deserved such kindness, ♦ and having a perfect beach day, ♦ and nutting over cinnamon sugar tossed zeppoli afterwards, ♦ and watching the fall of Bon Appetit, ♦ and ordering my own copy of The October Country, ♦ and avoiding Tiger King, ♦ and letting certain people live rent free in my head, ♦ and bulking up my upper body to look even gayer, ♦ and feeling like “not a woman” most days of the week, ♦ and dabbling in overused writing styles, and ♦ craving really good falafel, like falafel so pillowy and spiced and crunchy you cry, like freshly baked pita and olive oil pools in bowls of hummus, ♦ and publishing this post so I can eat, waste ketchup, and post clothing, music, and political infographics.
Inspired by my friend Karmela’s newsletter structure, here are some ~things~ I have been engaging with and/or recommend.
Listening Recs:
Balakirev’s (one of The Five, whose music I’m making my way through) 1st and 2nd Symphonies, BBC Orchestra, 1990
The Stranger, Billy Joel, 1977
The Katy Lou carousel music album, 2005, to make you feel like you’re going insane, but in cut time and on a fake horse
Recent Food Items:
These s’mores cookie bars, which I baked for my best friend’s birthday. Texture was unexpectedly like shortbread, and it’s hella rich, but neither of those things are bad.
The new Ovenly vegan chocolate cherry cake! It was my dad’s birthday this past weekend, and I bought one for him. Super good.
Home fried frozen french fries with sauteed red onion, spices, and chili oil. My way of flipping the bird to authority and cooking potatoes in an unnecessarily roundabout way.
That Pizza Place garlic knot crust pizza slices topped with mac & cheese, vg chikn, and BBQ sauce. Not a huge pasta on pizza person but, like, garlic knot crust.